Gaia Community: Kari's Blog

June Seattle Opportunity for Integral Learning!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:51:50 -0000

I am so excited to be meeting Susanne Cook-Greuter next week! In my mind, she is somewhat of an Integral Idol due to her connection with Integral Institute, work with consciousness, and my recent plunge into learning and practicing working with the Action Logics.

Being aware of my own development is so fascinating and liberating! To witness and understand what is challenging and changing within me from the perspective of development has blown me open over and over again over the last couple of years. Reading about action logics was one abstract level of learning, learning in GTC from Terri O'Fallon and practicing how different action logics feel another deeper level, learning the results of my own MAP and exploring my own interiors with that knowledge another illumination...and now...Susanne will be here in Seattle next week doing a special workshop/exploration of Symbolic Representations. The workshop will include exploring our own constructs (wow!) through language and art.

This is certainly a rare treat to have access to Susanne in this way, and I invite those reading this to consider attending either her workshop or her talk on June 30. You can read more about both events and register here. If you are a therapist, coach, consultant, integral practitioner, or simply desire to understand your own meaning making and explore with a gifted teacher, do consider coming. Since the workshop assumes some knowledge of the action logics, take a read here. I feel more compassion, more confidence, more space, and more clarity every time I explore meaning making in the context of these action logics which really create a larger understanding of our humanness than any other model alone that I have studied.

I look forward to sharing my reconfigured self here after the workshop! If you are in the area, and have familiarity with action logics, then you will be sorry you missed this if you don't come!

Pacific Integral

Presents

A rare opportunity to spend a day and a half with a master of language and experience your own insight into the far reaches of human development

Dr. Susanne Cook-Greuter

Language, Meaning and Symbolic Representations

Advanced Development Workshop

Wednesday, June 25, 5-8:30 & Thursday, June 26, 9-5:30

At The Integral Loft in Seattle $425 - Space is limited

~~~~

Public Talk on Monday June 30, 7-9pm

at Washington Park Arboretum Graham Visitor’s Center $35

How can we relax our own beliefs and assumptions in order to open to a larger and more comprehensive understanding of “reality”?
How would you communicate your wildest inner experiences without language?
How do our imagination and assumptions serve development and how might they limit it?
What is the difference between conventional linear thinking and post-conventional meaning making as experienced in visual literacy?

In this advanced workshop, you will dive deeply into the beauty and conundrums of language, our chief means of communication, and personal and collective growth. We will explore the nature, beauties and limits of symbolic representations. You will learn from your own experience with words, images, musical and mathematical notation, logic, jokes, illusions, poems, Koans, and by drawing from nature. Through this exploration, we begin to see through the limits of language and our own thinking.

“Susanne Cook-Greuter offers her own being as an example

of what is possible in human development and evolution.

She is a walking energy field of transformation. “

Dr. Susanne Cook-Greuter is an internationally known authority on mature adult development. Her Harvard thesis, Postautonomous Ego Development (1999), is a landmark study in the characteristics and assessment of late stage meaning makers. As a linguist, she continues to explore and marvel at the intricacies of language and meaning making. Susanne is a founding member of Ken Wilber’s Integral Institute and co-director of its Psychology Center. She values learning through all senses, and wishes to share her experience and knowledge of the examined mind with you.

Don’t miss it. Take a day off work and join us!

Closing the Gap: Arete

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 00:31:12 -0000

This is a response to "Arête and The Hero's Journey" on Conscious Business at Falling Fruit TV.

Based on the first episode, I had some assumptions that listening to and experiencing this conversation would be motivating and transformational...and I was right! One focus was the Greek notion of Arête - translated by Brian Johnson as striving to live at your highest potential moment to moment to moment.

Brian points out that in the 21st Century business and capitalism is the air we breathe. Some living questions that have guided Brian: How can we find ourselves in each moment and realize there is no separation between personal life and business? What do we do during the day to bring in money for ourselves and create value for others? Who am I, what am a passionate about, and how can I get paid to do this?

Too few people in our society believe that it is possible to live a life we want. Instead, the norm has been to follow a mechanism. Duff notes that it takes courage just to ask the questions like: What do I want and What can I give? The beautiful thing is as soon as we ask, our brain starts working on it. We are not taught to ask what do we want, what can we do? Happily, I can say this is changing for me and many others!

If we can understand enough of ourselves and our strengths and gifts...then we can effectively align our personal values with our professional work and passion. What I am thankful for and humbled by is my good fortune and ability to follow my passion to an extent. Perhaps I will expand on this at some point, but just know I am extremely grateful for this current situation.

We have to continually ask these questions...and show up and live them each moment. This is exactly where I am now, and have been for a while. The way we can live these questions seem to get subtler and more complex while getting simpler at the same time. Though actively holding these questions when the personal identity is difficult to define can be awkward and challenging.

Personal relevant questions for me are also: What do I want to create in my organization/community? What unique impact can I make? What can we move towards? How can we reach our highest collective potential? How can we grow our capacity?

When we are actively seeking alignment in personal and collective realms, our work and lives take on different energy and are often very inspiring.

Relating conscious business to the Hero's Journey...we are all faced with the world and its challenges and needs. For those of us who realize that we are not separate from the world, we are in for an emotional ride and a seemingly lonely challenge at times. So when we realize that our self discovery and livelihood depends on that of the world, what can we create?

My work is to discover what I am capable of...to devote my heart-energy to rediscovering this until I know what it is and can therefore share it with the world. I expect this to never end. My mission: to reduce the gap of what I am doing and what I am capable of, to live to my fullest.

There is so much we could go into here, but I have to also mention the genius zone.

Theo inquires, can we create a society where everyone can live in their genius zone? Can you personally? Can I? Duff made the great point, that most of us listening to the podcast can potentially live out our genius to a pretty full extent. We have multiple options! If we had a society where leaders are truly living our genius, and were taught the moment we are born to discover who we are and what we are here to do...what would that be like? How can we move towards that? I think that connecting individuals and organizations that are both challenging and supporting each other to self actualize is a key...and this can happen when individuals are relating from a variety of developmental levels and typologies.

I think these questions lead nicely into Holacracy which offers just the space and structure for individuals and organizations to do so! Thanks for your contribution Duff, Brian, and Theo!

Falling Fruit TV's Conscious Business Series

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:46:41 -0000

Instead of doing other tasks on my priority list for today, I thought I would make a long overdue blog entry here at zaadz. There have been some pretty significant changes, especially on the external level, but also from the interior perspective too...from both zaadz and me!

Yesterday I needed some motivation so I ended up finding my way to Fallingfruit TV - Conscious Media for People Who Care. And it is exactly that. The first thing I found was Episode 1 of their Conscious Business series.

It is an enlightened and inquiry-driven dialogue between co-hosts Duff and Theo, who both run cutting edge coaching practices, and Mark Wilding, Director of the Marpa Center for Business and Economics at Naropa University.

You can listen to the episode here!

This is such a relevant conversation. Their discussion encompasses many driving questions and explores many possibilities for conscious businesses. I plan to join more in the creation of conscious business and conversations aimed at prototyping more effective and relevant ways of organizing ourselves and doing business.

There is just too much to explore in one blog entry. One question that really struck me was how do I align my individual values with my work and interactions in the world?

Isn't that what all of us are after? A life that contains the elements we value and is conducive to sharing it with others? Is it possible for the one-third or more of our life considered our job, be in alignment and congruency with those values? These questions are what led me to quit my previous 3 jobs.

That alignment with inner purpose and external circumstance is what I am interested in. I have to think that this alignment can exist for all of us.

I noticed that the next episode of Conscious Business is up, and I can't wait to listen!

May Seattle Integral/Ken Wilber Meetup

Thu, 03 May 2007 07:00:20 -0000

I am going to throw this up because I have to get in bed before midnight. Not because I will turn into a pumpkin but because I have been wanting to take better care of myself. It has been quite a while since I have posted, but this feels like a good time to check in. The Ken Wilber meetups have been well over 20 people for the last few months. They have grown in the short time I have been coming...actually a year and a half, which is maybe not that short. It is pretty thrilling sitting in the room full of people. We are gathering together, for our various reasons, under the guise of discussing integral theory. Reuniting with ourselves really. Or pretending to. Sometimes it feels beautiful and sometimes a little frustrating, but I always keep coming back. I feel very fortunate to be able to take time out with friends and strangers once a month to discuss many things, this month ranging from relationships, anger, we-space, shadow work, changing the world, and more. Personally, I enjoy the quality of being with the people more than the content of the discussion for the most part.
Gary is raising some questions that I am very interested in as well. "Can we keep our hearts open while we talk about structure" he asks. Read more here. I have to think that they really aren't separate. It is our mind and something gone awry that makes us think things are separate...or that they are things for that matter. But I digress...This subtle or not so subtle separation is bringing to mind another common "thing" that tends to get separated out from the rest of life: Spiritual Practice. Recently I read CoolMel's blog where Steve Pavlina talks about how he views spiritual practice which I really resonated with. Says Steve:
"These questions contain a hidden assumption - that our spiritual lives are somehow separate and distinct from our physical lives. " Someone, Susan, I think, said Integral is being fully engaged. I like that definition. Fully: internally externally, individually, collectively, gross, subtle, causal, non dual. The more fully engaged we are, the more of the separations fall away.
There is a lot of momentum and energy around these meetings and the people of Seattle Integral. Don't take my word for it; read Joe Perez's blog. I am very energized after this meeting. Now I will go switch gears into rest.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 06:38:44 -0000

All of the following and more:
Sing Karaoke
Share More Writing
Dialogue in groups and with individuals
Laugh at myself more
Swim at nude beaches
Play tuba in a band
Travel the world
Live in another country
Dream
Be myself with you being yourself
Love more freely on every level
Be a professional socialite
Be an entrepreneur, a healer, and an artist
Just stop

Checking In

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 04:34:50 -0000

I realized today that it has been quite a while since I have posted, and thought I better stop in and say hello. I haven't spent too much time on zaadz lately. I have been working two jobs which are both going well. That has been pretty exhausting.
I am really enjoying my retail job and I love my coworkers. The other job has a lot of different potential. Finding a balance between work, play, community,and self care may be perfectly tricky.

I have been playing some drums which has been fun, and I've also been playing with makeup quite a bit which is totally different, challenging, and interesting. Taking baths, drinking tea, talking to Miles and Scooter. Singing, writing, and eating chocolate chips and walnuts.

I even organized my place a little. Now we'll see if I can build on that and clear up more clutter instead of letting it pile back up so quickly.

I am considering starting a new blog, but for now I will post here at least as much as I have been, and maybe more. I also edited some of the access settings on some of my blog entries, which is just something I feel is necessary. So if things seem a little different, they are!

Things have been morphing and fluxing, and life feels very fluid right now. And open ended. And blown wide open. Other than that, I'm celebrating a quarter of a century as Kari this weekend. There are no big plans really, but I have a feeling that however the weekend is will be most appropriate.

For random fun go listen to Michael Franti, and also watch this video.
:D

A report on human life

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:31:35 -0000

I haven't been posting regularly at all. My attention has simply been on other aspects of life. It has been grand so I thought I should take a moment on yet another perfect Monday to share some words with you all. My focus has been on ever expanding and paradoxically ever present awareness and the moment in front of me. I have been taking care of myself, indulging in Being, and exploring all aspects of this human experience. From one perspective it might look like I have neglected certain people, experiences, and obligations. This may be true, but it really doesn't matter too much to me. I propose that I have been doing exactly what I need to be doing which is Being who i am and doing what I want/need to do. What if unlimited potential for everything we had ever hoped for and more is contained in each moment and experience? That is what I am exploring. I haven't had much mental capacity for writing "intelligent" blogs and interacting with people.

At my new job I am faced with chaotic energy and surprises around every corner. It is strange, fascinating, and awkward at times. Yet there is an underlying field of mutual support it seems which allows me to walk in the uncertainty of a job in retail during the "holiday shopping season". Feminine energy welcomes my quirkiness and uncertainty and builds my confidence. In my time away from work I am more and more selective about who I can engage with for the sake of my own health and well being. Infusing each moment and ordinary interaction with unlimited potential - as if it could or should be any other way - is what my life is currently about.

What else have I discovered? It is not only okay to be silly, it is a fact that I can and should enjoy! Existence in human form is silly, uncomfortable at time, and weird. And it is all somehow perfect. I have finally begun to realize that I can be comfortable with all of myself and I can participate in creating reality - internally and externally. In fact, we are all participating already - we just aren't always conscious of it...or at least I haven't been. :)

I am the best I have ever been in my life physically, mentally, and energetically. This is the most comfortable with myself in all its awkwardness that I have ever been. I have given myself permission to feel and do and be whatever comes up. It is amazing.

fun thoughts that connect

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 03:28:57 -0000

I was searching around the internets in a somewhat obbsessive manner for interviews with Daniel Pinchbeck. I found the interview on pop occulture. (We could talk about that for a long time -- later, I promise!) Then I found a site with with Daniel Pinchbeck mentioning David Bohm's holographic universe.

Um -- I was just noticing recently how something about both Bohm and Pinchbeck's work and writing really excites me. Yes! That'll be fun to investigate more I'm sure. You'll see!

Is it the visionary spirit I feel coming through their work that excites me? Or that they are speaking from their heart experience? Or is it something specific that ties their work together? Possibly that both Bohm and Pinchbeck encourage us to not accept their or even our own ideas, but to go beyond them? And much more...

"Real knowledge of what I am saying must be earned, and lived, by each individual in his or her own way."
2012 The Return of Quetzalcoatl, p. 15

Did Bohm integrate mythic and other levels of consciousness into his post scientific, rational thinking mind and way of being? Did his ability to entertain a degree of uncertainty separate him to such an extent from the majority of the scientific community that they simply did not understand, didnt get it, or didnt feel him? Does the fact that I have been born in this particular point in space and time somehow help perfectly prepare me for "getting" what Bohm was saying and working towards? Is that why I love dialogue so much? And, are we at a point in time, in history, where we have the chance to midwife a level of consciousness into collective being? And can we literally relax and be empowered because of the self-organizing, creative nature of reality?!

"We conclude then, that the opposing and contradictory motions are the rule throughout the universe, and this is an essential aspect of the very mode of things."
The Essential David Bohm, p. 29

"I'm suggesting that there is the possibility for the transformation of the nature of consciousness, both individually and collectively, and that whether this can be solved culturally and socially depends on dialogue."
The Essential David Bohm, p. 338
This was in 1989, folks!

Then I realized some pretty groovy music was on my yahoo! launchcast and it was New Orthophony by Stereolab.
Of course I had to look up orthophony to see if it meant anything to anyone, and found this:

Or·thoph·o·ny
n.

[Ortho- + Gr. fwnh` voice.]
The art of correct articulation; voice training.

Very curious! How pleasant. Correct articulation. How about just any articulation? So I spoke...then I just thought, how about just art? Creativity? Voice training?

I really don't know what it all means (and am content holding the uncertainty along with "what I know"), but it feels very good! It involves life and possibilities. So much fun!

I'll keep you posted, hehe.

not quitting as much as letting go

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 19:41:47 -0000

Yesterday I boldly resigned from my job, effective October 1st! It was a pretty nerve racking conversation to have. I didn't enjoy knowing that I would create a little turbulence for my boss and the organization, but it was something I needed to do. I have been looking for jobs and being too scared to take care of myself. I had a million excuses for staying, but what it came down to was: a force larger than the little Kari compelled me. A mini culmination occurred. It was the right thing to do. I need to use my powers for something else other than arts administration, me thinks.

Luckily I have the support of a few people who see this as a positive thing instead of me going crazy...though either could potentially be true of course, as always. ;)

Where will I go from here? I sure as heck don't know, but I am a lot more excited right now with the thought of moving on to something else in a month. Do I regret getting a degree in Music Business? NO! Not one bit. I learned and am still learning on every conceivable level...which may only be one...but anyway, the point is, I don't regret things. That is ridiculous. I love them and learn from them. When the loving changes, I change directions. So that is what happened. It feels so good to let go.

Pretty exciting huh? Anyone hiring? :)

Just some heart-thoughts for your perusal

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 17:35:14 -0000

Do you know the feeling of rightness? When you begin a new book, and it resonates so clearly that you could have written it (not that I write books, but you know what I mean)? Or meet a new friend and you just relax with full blown unstoppable trust and connectivity? Or when you listen to your body/heart/mind and intuitively do something, only after beginning to realize that oh, this is definitely what was supposed to happen: now I get it, and It makes sense in my being! Reading blogs on zaadz or getting emails from certain people can also evoke this feeling. There are countless examples. The point is, this has been happening very regularly! I am so grateful! At least once a week, sometimes more frequently, I get that body relaxation quality of subtle ecstasy that tells me, simply, yes. Whatever it is, it feels right.

I was reading multiple books on various things lately, Getting Things Done by David Allen, How We Talk Can Change the Way We Workby Kegan and Lahey, and a few others. I pick them up and they don't really take off like Pathways to Blissby Joseph Campbell did or David Bohm et al On Dialogue did a couple years ago, or the Alan Watts tapes (The King County Library has them!) a couple months ago. So what do I do but buy another book! Daniel Pinchbeck's 2012 was calling to me last Saturday. So I bought it and it has been lying around and I have read a sentence or two knowing secretly that it is exactly what I want/need. Well unfortunately I have to work, so I can't just sit around reading all day, but I just had to share my first impressions after the first 20 pages, which is not something I would normally do, but I have to!

For now, this quote REALLY grabbed me (along with almost every line of the book, but I can't quote it all)!

"It is my thesis that the rapid development of technology and the destruction of the biosphere are material by-products of a psycho-spiritual process taking place on a planetary scale. We have created this crisis to force our own accelerated transformation -- on an unconscious level, we have willed it into being. Human consciousness, the sentient element of the Earth, is in the process of self-organizing to a more intensified state of being and knowing -- what the Russian mystic G.I. Gurdjieff called a "higher octave." When the Hopi talk of a Fifth World, or the Aztecs anticipate a Sixth Sun, when St. John foresees the descent of the Heavenly City or New Jerusalem, they are describing the same thing: a shift in the nature of consciousness."
Daniel Pinchbeck

The theme of myth and the forgotten, or for some of us, unexplored possibilities for transformation through myth, along with discovering my personal mythology and how myth is functioning right now has been tugging at me over the past few months. It is one of the current messages from my subconscious/the universe. I'm sure I will say more about this later, but for now I'll stick to my gut response to the first 20 pages of this book.

"Holy $h*!, this book makes so much sense! It is as if Pinchbeck is writing straight from my (the?) heart, from a depth that is subtle yet clear. I feel a warm, exciting energy welling up that makes me want to shout, laugh, and cry all at once, and perhaps more importantly, relax, because "my thoughts" are right here in this book. This feeling always makes me feel a little less insane and lonely. Seriously, Wow! Have we rejected the mythic form of knowledge to such an extent that it has severely impacted our way of living...of being? God, I was right: we are fundamentalists. Why do I care about this and why am I so exited about this? Am I just desperate? Delusional?"
(I wrote that while I was on the bus so I smiled at the people like usual instead of shouting or any of that other stuff.)

As the postal clerk sells me stamps to mail out meaningless pieces of paper, I smile and sense the perfection of the moment. Then, against some relatively new desires, drift to work at a job that just doesn't grab my heart...I feel a glimmer of an insane sense of liberation, much like water that has been dammed up for years, trickling through ever so slowly, and has sprung a new leak.

Thanks for talking about this, Chris!

Listen to soothing harmonies...and more!

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:40:16 -0000

Go here now to listen!

Thanks to Sandra for this!

And look at this!

Whoa! This is what I get for procrastinating at work...nice!

Meanings in Dreams

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 05:27:33 -0000

A few days ago I began paying closer attention to my dreams. Usually I am not able to remember most of them, and if I do, they are frequently high energy, traumatic, or strange.

Last night I was being chased by a few girls I remember from high school band. (Weird to think of them now.) They had a water hose. They were trying to spray me. I ran, dodging some obstacles (a frequent occurrence for me) and breathed for a second. I thought I had ran away from them, but no. Here they came, and they squirted me good.

That was one memorable part of the dream. Of course I am asking myself what it means mostly. It is fun to see what some of the online dream dictionaries say though. Who knows what it really means.

Dream Moods says this:

Hose

To see a hose in your dream, represents renewal, rejuvenation and cleansing. You need to heal those emotional wounds so that you can continue to grow as a person. Alternatively, it may be a metaphor for sex and sexual gratification.

Hmm...

All together

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:52:21 -0000

This is kunek. They are from my home town, Stillwater, Oklahoma. They freakin' rock. I have their album on my Zen Nano Plus. I have listened to their album hundreds of times, and it is still good.

A Fortune

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 23:04:34 -0000

My fortune from last weekend:
"An interesting opportunity awaits you next Friday."

That's today! Hmm...which one?

The Comedy and Genius of Stephen Hawking

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 20:51:33 -0000

"The likelihood that we will need the services of Bruce Willis in the next hundred years is very strong."

Seriously, he says nuclear war is a main concern along with some others. A while back he asked yahoo answers "How can the human race survive the next hundred years?"

Click here to see his thoughts after the answers were all in.

Joy Bringer (and some others who I can't remember right now) blogged about this when Stephen Hawking asked the question

observations from a wandering star

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 19:12:06 -0000

no plan
torn between
psychological integration
pseudo development
and
the simplicity of
reality
wow!

what is left?
i smile

energies softly colliding
even that is a lie
who am i to say i know you?
much less love you
humbled
with each passing person
breeze and blade of grass

whats the difference between me and you?
im not so sure.
what fun

exhale

For the okies

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 18:20:26 -0000

Normally I don't advertise the fact that I am from Oklahoma. I don't know why; it probably has something to do with unresolved family issues... Anyway, I was thinking of my mom (hi mom) and how it is hot as hell down there, and will continue to be for a couple of months. I try to be sympathetic when people talk about the heat around here. I forget how tough I am. ;)

This comic from yahoo made me chuckle:

Edit: the punchline was being cut off so I am uploading the image instead of pasting. Take 2!

Desiderata

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 05:03:12 -0000

My mom has sent this to me several times, and I thought I should share it. I'm sure some of you are familiar with "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

My favorite line: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Pretty cool. Thanks mom!

Go here for some Hubble coolness.

Intuition?

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 23:36:44 -0000

This is kind of a rant, so be warned if you aren't in the mood for that!

I have had migraines since I was about 16. At one point I had mixed headaches for 23 days out of the month. Fortunately I am getting a lot fewer headaches these days. Last month I had 6 which is pretty good. For the last couple years since graduating college I saw several doctors about the headaches. Same conclusion every time: a lot of migraines. Many tests and preventive medication later, same conclusion. For the past 9 -12 months I have more or less been managing them on my own, and pretty well (compared to what the doctors were doing for me!). I did go to a new doctor to get a refill for Imitrex, the only drug that (mostly) stops the migraines (most of the time). Of course he suggested antidepressants as a preventive. For those who don't know if you get more than 2 migraines a month or something like that, doctors suggest you take a preventive. These can be several classes of antidepressants, seizure medication, heart medication, and on and on. To name a few I have tried antidepressants: amitriptyline, nortriptilyne, cymbalta, effexor, zoloft, trazodone; seizure: depakote, topamax, neurontin; heart medication: verapimil (I have low blood pressure so I didn't get very far with those).

Anyway I have tried a lot; those are most of what I have tried for preventives. And there are more and there will be more. I do not wish to experiment with any of those medications at this time...and probably never.

I have been adamant about this and sometimes the dr doesn't understand why I won't try those things if I want to have less headaches. Well, because I want to have less headaches some other way...duh!

Today I was reading some medical news for fun as I occasionally do, and came across a very interesting article. It basically says that people who take triptans (I take Imitrex and sometimes others for migraines) might be at risk for serotonin syndrome if they take certain types of antidepressants (and i have taken several of those types). I am pretty sure I don't have serotonin syndrome because the symptoms sound horrible and it is rare, but the point is that I am not the only one who doesn't want to mix that shit! I guess my intuition was right on about not taking any more antidepressants. I'm glad to see it's working.

Thanks for reading my rant!

Inquiring into trust

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 17:37:59 -0000

Image source

I participate on an email list with people who I used to meet face to face for dialogue and inquiry once a week. The emails are sporadic and sometimes I throw in (my) $0.02; sometimes I don't. Most of the people on the list don't even know me because I have been gone for 9 months. Like a face to face dialogue, sometimes I only listen and sometimes words come up. Today words came and I thought I would share it with you. It will be a bit out of context, but they had been talking about trust.

Here are some ramblings: This need to define and limit ourselves really cracks me up sometimes...and yeah I do it constantly. It is a good day when I can laugh at it. :)

I have a trust that tells me everything is okay. That everything that can possibly happen is the way it is, and that is that. I guess I have a trust that there isn't going to be a psychopath assault me when I walk with my headphones on in the morning to grab a donut on the way to work. I just notice everything, listening, and trust that my awareness will take in what happens. (Or is that ignorance or escaping?) I trust that all or most of the people I encounter will do certain things and behave certain ways (some of us are more flexible than others when people don't do these things - there is allowing or reacting). We have a trust that when we are driving 70 mph around a curve on a mountain that the semi truck next to us will maintain their velocity (or is that stupid? no going 90 is stupid, right!?). That the bus driver isn't suicidal today and if he turns out to be that will be okay (yes I have thought about this!). We have a trust that the people in our lives won't suddenly forget who we are or just walk away and never come back. (When they fulfill our vision to a certain extent is that trust from them?) Or wait I guess these are just basic assumptions, maybe even common sense. What is common sense? (I mean, seriously, is it really that sensible?) So what is the difference between trust and assumptions? I like the question about what if trust is our fear disguised (or maybe I am asking that but really don't we all have these questions?) or is trust a matter of time? Can we question with a lightness, and open curiosity and see? If not, what is stopping us? Why do we avoid what we avoid? (Come on, everyone has something!) Can we allow that (avoiding - or whatever)? Might it loosen up if we did? Hmmm. These thoughts about trust make me think of faith (marty!) so maybe we'll question that next. Can we have a trust that is open? That just trusts what is - not trust in a thing, person, or concept because what are those anyway? This whole interweaving of apparent things in life seems delicate yet flexible.

More thoughts: we like to have the choice that there exists something beyond our choices. I'm not saying there is or isn't but it is interesting to observe how we grasp. Is it beautiful? Can we allow it? Or will we judge and critique ourselves and our loved ones mercilessly?
Enough of the stream of whatever!

For some freakin' awesome music, go here and listen to Black Bear and I Believe in Immediacy. I heard this on the radio on Saturday and it is Lovely. http://www.myspace.com/blackbear Have fun, kari

[PS - I am searching for images of Black Bears in their cinnamon phase and it is disturbing that I mostly find furs, dead Black Bears. :( ]

edit: corrected my typos and changed the image