"Beware of someone who wants to teach you something."

Those are the words of Gurdjieff. This is talking about a healthy skepticism. I pay attention to the body when contemplating beliefs. When I find myself attached or contracted then I know it is time to loosen up the beliefs/opinions/assumptions/judgments/ideas/what-we-too-often-take-to-be-True. My goal is to come to a place where I don't irrationally react to unnecessary concepts. I think it is possible....and yes this is a belief, but I feel it is a healthy one that will serve me for as long as it is useful.

Brent and I came home last night from rehearsal for tonight and there were police etc. all around the block near our house - pretty weird for our quiet-other-than-illegal-fireworks-this-week-suburban-neighborhood. (Or so we thought.) A guy got shot after an accident a block from where we live.

I'm not usually one to actively participate in such patriotic activities - but my profession calls so I will try to enjoy it. We are off to Bellevue for the day. :|

All I can say is live it up - with awareness and compassion. I love you guys!

Check out Kyle MacDonald's blog for an awesome story about starting with a paper clip and ending with a house! http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/

Image source 

I participate on an email list with people who I used to meet face to face for dialogue and inquiry once a week. The emails are sporadic and sometimes I throw in (my) $0.02; sometimes I don't. Most of the people on the list don't even know me because I have been gone for 9 months. Like a face to face dialogue, sometimes I only listen and sometimes words come up. Today words came and I thought I would share it with you. It will be a bit out of context, but they had been talking about trust.

Here are some ramblings:   This need to define and limit ourselves really cracks me up sometimes...and yeah I do it constantly. It is a good day when I can laugh at it. :)  

I have a trust that tells me everything is okay. That everything that can possibly happen is the way it is, and that is that.  I guess I have a trust that there isn't going to be a psychopath assault me when I walk with my headphones on in the morning to grab a donut on the way to work. I just notice everything, listening, and trust that my awareness will take in what happens. (Or is that ignorance or escaping?) I trust that all or most of the people I encounter will do certain things and behave certain ways (some of us are more flexible than others when people don't do these things - there is allowing or reacting). We have a trust that when we are driving 70 mph around a curve on a mountain that the semi truck next to us will maintain their velocity (or is that stupid? no going 90 is stupid, right!?).  That the bus driver isn't suicidal today and if he turns out to be that will be okay (yes I have thought about this!). We have a trust that the people in our lives won't suddenly forget who we are or just walk away and never come back. (When they fulfill our vision to a certain extent is that trust from them?) Or wait I guess these are just basic assumptions, maybe even common sense. What is common sense? (I mean, seriously, is it really that sensible?) So what is the difference between trust and assumptions? I like the question about what if trust is our fear disguised (or maybe I am asking that but really don't we all have these questions?) or is trust a matter of time? Can we question with a lightness, and open curiosity and see? If not, what is stopping us? Why do we avoid what we avoid? (Come on, everyone has something!) Can we allow that (avoiding - or whatever)? Might it loosen up if we did? Hmmm. These thoughts about trust make me think of faith (marty!) so maybe we'll question that next.   Can we have a trust that is open? That just trusts what is - not trust in a thing, person, or concept because what are those anyway?  This whole interweaving of apparent things in life seems delicate yet flexible.  

More thoughts: we like to have the choice that there exists something beyond our choices. I'm not saying there is or isn't but it is interesting to observe how we grasp. Is it beautiful? Can we allow it? Or will we judge and critique ourselves and our loved ones mercilessly?
Enough of the stream of whatever!

For some freakin' awesome music, go here and listen to Black Bear and I Believe in Immediacy. I heard this on the radio on Saturday and it is Lovely. http://www.myspace.com/blackbear    Have fun, kari

[PS - I am searching for images of Black Bears in their cinnamon phase and it is disturbing that I mostly find furs, dead Black Bears. :( ]

edit: corrected my typos and changed the image

This is kind of a rant, so be warned if you aren't in the mood for that! 

I have had migraines since I was about 16. At one point I had mixed headaches for 23 days out of the month. Fortunately I am getting a lot fewer headaches these days. Last month I had 6 which is pretty good. For the last couple years since graduating college I saw several doctors about the headaches. Same conclusion every time: a lot of migraines. Many tests and preventive medication later, same conclusion. For the past 9 -12 months I have more or less been managing them on my own, and pretty well (compared to what the doctors were doing for me!). I did go to a new doctor to get a refill for Imitrex, the only drug that (mostly) stops the migraines (most of the time). Of course he suggested antidepressants as a preventive. For those who don't know if you get more than 2 migraines a month or something like that, doctors suggest you take a preventive. These can be several classes of antidepressants, seizure medication, heart medication, and on and on. To name a few I have tried antidepressants: amitriptyline, nortriptilyne, cymbalta, effexor, zoloft, trazodone; seizure: depakote, topamax, neurontin; heart medication: verapimil (I have low blood pressure so I didn't get very far with those).

Anyway I have tried a lot; those are most of what I have tried for preventives. And there are more and there will be more. I do not wish to experiment with any of those medications at this time...and probably never. 

I have been adamant about this and sometimes the dr doesn't understand why I won't try those things if I want to have less headaches. Well, because I want to have less headaches some other way...duh!

Today I was reading some medical news for fun as I occasionally do, and came across a very interesting article. It basically says that people who take triptans (I take Imitrex and sometimes others for migraines) might be at risk for serotonin syndrome if they take certain types of antidepressants (and i have taken several of those types). I am pretty sure I don't have serotonin syndrome because the symptoms sound horrible and it is rare, but the point is that I am not the only one who doesn't want to mix that shit! I guess my intuition was right on about not taking any more antidepressants. I'm glad to see it's working.

Thanks for reading my rant!

My mom has sent this to me several times, and I thought I should share it. I'm sure some of you are familiar with "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

My favorite line: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Pretty cool. Thanks mom!

Go here for some Hubble coolness.